A Little Bit of Nonsense

A collection of poems

The Owl and the Pussycat

Edward Lear

The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
“O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are, you are, you are,
What a beautiful Pussy you are.”
Pussy said to the Owl “You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing.
O let us be married, too long we have tarried;
But what shall we do for a ring?”
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows,
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose, his nose, his nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.
“Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?”
Said the Piggy, “I will”
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon.
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon, the moon, the moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

The Children of the Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear

Our mother was the Pussy-cat, our father was the Owl,
And so we’re partly little beasts and partly little fowl,
The brothers of our family have feathers and they hoot,
While all the sisters dress in fur and have long tails to boot.
We all believe that little mice,
For food are singular nice.
Our mother died long years ago. She was a lovely cat
Her tail was five feet long, and grey with stripes, but what of that?
In Sila forest on the East of fair Calabria’s shore
She tumbled from a lofty tree — none ever saw her more.
Our owly father long was ill from sorrow and surprise,
But with the feathers of his tail he wiped his weeping eyes.
And in the hollow of a tree in Sila’s inmost maze,
We made a happy home and there we pass our obvious days.\n\n

Topsy Turvey World
William Brighty Rands

If the butterfly courted the bee,
And the owl the porcupine;
If the churches were built in the sea,
And three times one was nine;
If the pony rode his master,
If the buttercups ate the cows,
If the cat had the dire disaster
To be worried, sir, by the mouse;
If mamma, sir, sold the baby
To a gypsy for half-a-crown;
If a gentleman, sir, was a lady-
The world would be Upside Down!
If any or all of these wonders
Should ever come about,
I should not consider them blunders,
For I should be Inside Out!

There Was an Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly
Anonymous

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider.
That wiggled and jiggled and tickled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a bird.
How absurd! To swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and jiggled and tickled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a cat.
Imagine that! She swallowed a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and jiggled and tickled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a dog.
What a hog! She swallowed a dog.
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and jiggled and tickled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a goat.
She opened her throat and in walked a goat.
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog,
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and jiggled and tickled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a cow.
I don’t know how she swallowed a cow.
She swallowed the cow to catch the goat,
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog,
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat,
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and jiggled and tickled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady, she swallowed a horse.
She died of course!
But she swallowed the horse to catch the cow
She swallowed the cow to catch the goat
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and jiggled and tickled insider her.
She swallowed the spider to catch a fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.